General Fiction posted September 4, 2023

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A proclamation from the king

A chapter in the book Saving Mr. Calvin

Saving Mr. Calvin - Chapter 26A

by Jim Wile

Background
A story about the origin and the future of the game of golf

See Author Notes for the list of characters and unfamiliar terms.

Recap of the past few chapters: Kirk and Putt resume their house-building job the next day, and we learn the history of how the town of Foon came to be. Five years ago, Kirk, Putt, Aggie and their families had been living in Castasnogwary, but tiring of its ponderous ways, moved away and settled on an abandoned tract of land nearby and created their own town which they named Foon. The town has been growing and thriving ever since. Each year they hold an annual golf match with the “Snogs” as they call them. They are the “Foos.” When they return to the Bonnie Brae, Aggie serves them lunch and hints at a surprise to show them later.

The surprise turns out to be a new ball invented by Aggie made of boiled goose feathers stuffed tightly into a leather pouch and then sewn shut. It goes much farther than their older balls and will make a great weapon against the Snogs in their annual match. It is the Foos turn to set the rules of the match that will be held at the Foon Links, and Kirk, Aggie, and Putt plan the format of the matches to overcome the infernal slow play of the Snogs and which will reward their own much faster play.

Chapter 26

The Bonnie Brae Inn and Tavern is open for dinner from 6:00 to 11:00 most nights. It caters to travelers staying at the inn, who generally eat first, as well as the townsfolk, who come in for meals and to enjoy a few pints of ale or beer. It is the main center of social activity in Foon. Music is often played by local musicians.

Aggie, Putt, and I share the duties of waiting on the patrons and tending the bar. The food usually runs out around 8:00, after which we only serve drinks to the patrons, but that’s what the majority are there for anyway.

After the last meal had been served and Putt and I had finished the washing up, I approached Aggie, who was tending the bar, and said, “It’s time.”

We came from behind the bar and stood in front of it. I put two fingers to my mouth and let out several loud whistles to garner everyone’s attention. With our arms around each other’s waists, I said loudly, “Excuse me, everyone. Aggie and I have an announcement to make.”

“It better not be that yer closin’ the bar!” shouted one old Jackey.

“Looks like you’ve already had your fill tonight, Hamish. But no, it isn’t that,” I said to him. “Listen folks, Aggie and I are getting married next month!”

Loud cries of “Hear, hear!” and whistles and cheers greeted this announcement. “It’s about time!” cried others.

Aggie held her hands up to silence the crowd, and I gave another whistle to get their attention. When things quieted down, old Hamish stood up and said, “Ach, Aggie, me love, ya mean there’s no chance fer me now? Yer choosin’ Kirk over this handsome face?” he said, pointing to his homely, forlorn face after he’d pushed his long, greasy hair back from it. Everyone laughed, as did Hamish.

Aggie said, “Aw, Hamish, you should have just asked me, and I might have said ‘yes,’ but you never did!” More laughter as everyone enjoyed the banter.

Then she said, “It’ll be held at the church, then back here afterwards to celebrate, and you’re all invited.” Thunderous applause, whistles, and cheers at this news.“There’s just one thing,” she called out and waited for the group to quiet down. When she finally got their attention again, she said, “We’re only going to do it if we beat the Snogs this year in the annual gowf match.”

This brought a sobering silence to the room. They all knew how badly we had been beaten the past two years.

I said, “Don’t worry, folks. I ken you think that’s getting harder to do, but we’ve got a secret plan for this year’s matches that we think will spell the difference. I’m confident you’ll see us wed when we kick their dowps this year. But this means we’ve got to practice our new strategies. I see that everyone who’s on the team is here tonight, so whoever can make it to the links by 4:00 tomorrow afternoon, we can begin practicing. The Bonnie Brae is closed tomorrow evening, so Aggie, Putt, and I will be there. Hope to see you all then. Now, the next drink is on the house!”

This was met with many cheers and pats on the back for both me and Aggie. It was followed by mugs being raised and many toasts to a long and happy marriage. As Putt manned the bar, Aggie and I made the rounds of the tables and talked to most who were there, accepting their congratulations and good wishes. The gowfers on the team started in with questions about the new format we would be proposing, but we told them to wait until the practice session tomorrow to find out.

The festive mood lasted until closing time at 11:00. Putt left soon after putting the chairs up, and Aggie and I finished mopping the floor and cleaning up before heading upstairs.

Over the next 11 days, the practice sessions went very well. We introduced Aggie’s new ball to great acclaim, and everyone agreed to use it. That is the only ball we used during the practice sessions, and we all became used to the added distance they would go and learned how far each club would hit them.

We also tried out all the new formats that we would propose at the planning session with the Snogs. I had to warn the players that there was no guarantee we would be using them all, but we still wanted to be prepared if this is what we could get the Snogs to agree to. The new formats were fun anyway, even if we couldn’t use them for the annual competition. There would be other occasions when we could.

I should also mention that we decided to skip archery practice this week. It was to be held in Castasnogwary, but as we had just come from a battle and we knew the local captain would cut us some slack, we didn’t hesitate to miss a practice or two. Besides, we had a gowf competition to prepare for, and we would need all our spare time to practice for it.

At 9:00 the following morning, Alex and Cameron came to the Bonnie Brae to join Putt and me for the planning meeting. After the initial pleasantries, but before we got down to the specifics of the matches, Alex told us all some disconcerting news.

“We got word yesterday from a messenger from our beloved king, James II. He just issued a proclamation that bans the playing of the gowf. Evidently, he feels that far too much time is being spent on it at the expense of archery practice. I will read you the proclamation.” He pulled it from his pocket and read the following:

“Item, it is ordained and decreed that the lords and barons both spiritual and temporal should organise archery displays four times in the year. And that football and gowf should be utterly condemned and stopped. And that a pair of targets should be made up at all parish churches and shooting should be practised each Sunday ... And concerning football and gowf, we ordain that those found playing these games be punished by the local barons and, failing them, by the King's officers.”

“So, what do you make of this?” Alex asked us.

Putt said, “There should not be a problem, at least this year. The King’s officers don’t even recognize Foon as a town and have never even been by here to my knowledge. As we are holding the matches here this year, how would they even be aware of them? I presume your remaining soldiers who are not on the team will be practicing archery on Sunday as required?”

Alex said, “That is true and should be good enough to fool the Kings officers, who only come around on Sundays, that we are all practicing our archery, but our team needs gowf practice, as yours does, and we will not be able to do it in Castasnogwary on Sundays. How about if we were to come over to Foon and practice on your links on Sundays?”

Putt and I looked at each other and nodded. “That sounds fair,” I said. “Send your lads over then. Now, can we discuss the rules of engagement?”

“Yes, and thank you for your generosity.”

This was fortuitous. Our willingness to share our links could only make them more amenable to our new ideas.

“Putt and I, with Aggie’s help, have worked out a few new formats that I think will be a wonderful addition to the game. Not only will they be fun to play, but the spectators should enjoy them as well. Of course, we will still have the standard eight individual matches, which we have always played in the past, in which all eight of our players are pitted against all eight of yours, one-on-one. We will use match play, * and each match will score a point for a win or a half-point each for a tie. Does everyone agree to this?” There were no arguments, and it was passed unanimously.

“Next, I’d like to propose an alternating-shot format, pitting two players from our team against two from yours. Only one ball will be played by each pair, and the players must take turns hitting each shot until it is holed. ** It will be match play again. We will have four of those matches, with a point earned for each match won and half a point each for a tie. So, what do you think?”

Cameron said, “That actually sounds interesting. I am agreeable to that. Alexander?”

“Same here.”

“So, we’re all in favor then. Excellent,” I said. “We have two more sets of matches to be held on the second day. Putt will describe the next one.”

(To be continued... )

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* Match play - A form of scoring in a match where only the holes won are kept track of and not the total cumulative strokes in the match. Thus, it doesn't matter if you win a hole by 1 stroke or 5 strokes; it still counts as only having won one hole.

** This is known in today's parlance as "Alternate Shot" and is one of the formats used in the Ryder Cup matches between the US team and the European team (in which it is called "Foursomes.")

Scottish words

gowf: early term for golf
ell: unit of measure equal to about a yard (37 inches)
links: golf course by the sea
play club: long club or driver
tee box: the area where the opening shot of a hole is hit from. Named as such after the small box located there that holds sand with which to construct a "tee."
ken: know
braw: brilliant, fantastic
pure barry: utterly fantastic
jackey: a drunk
dowps: butts

CHARACTERS - 2032 California

Kevin Parsons: The narrator of the story. He is a 28-year-old mechanical engineer living in Santa Barbara, CA.

Paul Putnam: A good friend of Kevin who is an electrical engineer.

Ernie (Dumbo) Dumbrowski: Another good friend of Kevin who is a computer genius.

Art Calvin: An old, retired golf course architect whom the boys meet one day while golfing.

CHARACTERS - 1458 Scotland

Kirk Pate: A 22-year-old house builder and part time soldier from Foon. He is the narrator of this part of the story.

Putney Pell (Putt): Kirk's best friend and business partner in Foon and a fellow soldier

Alex MacGillycuddy: Kirk and Putt's childhood friend who lives in the nearby town of Castasnogwary and is a fellow soldier

Aggie Lang: Kirk's 22-year-old fiance. She runs the Bonnie Brae Inn and Tavern owned by her father

Jack and Isla Lang: Aggie's younger siblings

Hamish MacLachlan: The Bonnie Brae's resident tippler

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A proclamation from the king

A chapter in the book Saving Mr. Calvin

Saving Mr. Calvin - Chapter 26A

by Jim Wile

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